Surviving Infidelity by Terry Ross
Learning about your spouse's affair is one of the most life changing events you'll ever have to cope with. The initial mental and physical pain can be more than most people feel they can bear.
Debbie found that the shock left her feeling completely suicidal, in such an emotional state that she just couldn't see an end to the raging emotions of sheer loathing, humiliation, defeat and despair. She couldn't visualize surviving the infidelity.
"After weeks of trying to come to terms with the shock of my husband confessing to having an affair, I tried to face up to the news and move on with my life but I just couldn't get over the feelings of hate, shock, rage, fear and utter betrayal.
I really hated my husband, the 'other' woman and myself for what had become of our marriage.
I found myself wanting to kill him one minute and trying to understand why he had done it the next. I didn't know what to do or where to turn. I had no idea as to whether I wanted to save my marriage or not but I was totally unprepared for life on my own.
I felt so alone, half dead, totally humiliated, defeated and betrayed and found I just couldn't move on without seeking help and learning that there was a way to move forward and get my life and my marriage back on track"
Because of the emotional roller coaster infidelity puts couples through, talking about the details in the early stage only reinforces the negative feelings that they already have. It will not help either the cheater or the cheated partner to cope with the situation nor will it help you move forward.
The first discussion will always be the most difficult one, when it's so easy for things to get totally out of hand. If the marriage is to be saved both partners need to be emotionally prepared, rational and calm. It is unrealistic to expect partners to be able to work together in the early days when neither party is capable of entering into any form of rational discussion.
The cheated partner will want immediate answers to why the affair occurred, if they loved the person they were having an affair with, did it mean anything and how long it had been going on. They will want to know why they weren't enough, was it the only one and will wonder if they can trust their partner again. They need to take control of these emotions before they should enter into any form of discussion and before they can make any progress towards surviving infidelity or even half way consider trying to save the marriage.
Many people go to marriage counselors terrified, not knowing what to do, unable to get the images of their partner in someone else's bed out of their mind, not knowing if their partner still loves them and feeling totally worthless and insecure. They have to get over that initial hurdle before they can move on, start piecing everything together and even consider trying to rebuild the marriage. What is said and done in those early stages is critical to surviving infidelity and will form the foundation of any new relationship which evolves.
Most people do not have the skills to work through their problems without getting emotional and cannot get beyond what has happened in the past so cannot look towards the future. It is so easy in the early discussions, when the most positive work towards recovering the relationship needs to be done, to get sucked into battles over what has happened. It is hard to push emotional feelings to one side and calmly discuss such a betrayal.
However, after the initial shock and once emotions have calmed down the most critcal thing to do is to talk, listen and try and understand what has happened, why it happened and how to move forward. Only after some kind of understanding have occurred can the cheated partner even consider any kind of foregiveness, but if initial contact is controlled, and approached in the right way, not jumping in with all guns blazing, marriages can and often do survive infidelity and become stronger because of it.
That is why spending time learning how to control your emotions and trying to understand the situation from your partner's point of view is vital if you want to save your marriage. It is during this stage that you will find out why the affair happened, if it meant anything and what problems there were in your relationship. It is not until the all the cards have been laid on the table can couples even begin to try to put right what has gone wrong and move on with their lives.
As with most marital issues communication and understanding is critical to surviving infidelity.
About the Author
For more information on how to save you marriage please visit: http://www.saveyourmarriage.marriagehealth.com
Surviving An Affair
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Surviving Infidelity
Surviving Infidelity
Insights on Infidelity from Hillary Clinton's Book by Ruth Houston
Of the various topics discussed in Hillary Clinton's "Living History", the topic that has gained the most attention is the Clinton-Lewinsky affair. Since infidelity now affects 80% of all marriages, it's easy to understand why. The Clinton-Lewinsky affair continues to be a major point of interest because infidelity has reached epidemic proportions. Women with cheating husbands identify with Mrs. Clinton and feel they can learn from her experience."
As author of an infidelity book and former infidelity victim myself, I can attest to the fact that women struggling with issues of infidelity are eager for information that will shed light on how to cope with an extramarital affair.There are nuggets of information on surviving infidelity scattered throughout Hillary Clinton's account of the Clinton-Lewinsky affair. I found at least a dozen insights on infidelity that would be of interest to women whose husbands are having an affair - insights such as: • Infidelity doesn't necessarily have to mean the end of the marriage. •
A cheating husband must come clean and own up to his infidelity before the healing process can begin. • Together, the couple must address the underlying issues that may have contributed to the affair. • Both parties must be equally committed to rebuilding the marriage. • Counseling can help the couple come to terms with the affair. • The healing process takes time and both parties must be patient.
Living History" is a surprisingly rich source of information on surviving an affair. Women will find in Hillary Clinton a role model for wives facing similar marital problems. Her candid account of the Clinton-Lewinsky affair answers many of the questions in the public mind, such as : Why didn't Mrs. Clinton leave her husband? What made her decide to stay with him and keep their marriage intact? How did she cope with the emotional trauma? What helped her overcome the pain of betrayal?
"Living History" provides an intensely intimate look at one woman's reaction to her husband's affair. By examining the factors that contributed to the survival of the Clinton marriage, perhaps other marriages can be saved. "Living History" is worthwhile reading for any woman whose husband is engaged in an extramarital affair.
© 2004 Ruth Houston All rights reserved.
About the Author
Ruth Houston is the author of "Is He Cheating on You?-829 Telltale Signs." For more information about her book, cheating husbands or signs of infidelity visit http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com To receive a FREE Infidelity Report which includes a list of 29 Telltale Signs, send an e-mail to CheatingSigns@aol.com with "Infidelity Report" in the subject line.
Surviving Infidelity
Insights on Infidelity from Hillary Clinton's Book by Ruth Houston
Of the various topics discussed in Hillary Clinton's "Living History", the topic that has gained the most attention is the Clinton-Lewinsky affair. Since infidelity now affects 80% of all marriages, it's easy to understand why. The Clinton-Lewinsky affair continues to be a major point of interest because infidelity has reached epidemic proportions. Women with cheating husbands identify with Mrs. Clinton and feel they can learn from her experience."
As author of an infidelity book and former infidelity victim myself, I can attest to the fact that women struggling with issues of infidelity are eager for information that will shed light on how to cope with an extramarital affair.There are nuggets of information on surviving infidelity scattered throughout Hillary Clinton's account of the Clinton-Lewinsky affair. I found at least a dozen insights on infidelity that would be of interest to women whose husbands are having an affair - insights such as: • Infidelity doesn't necessarily have to mean the end of the marriage. •
A cheating husband must come clean and own up to his infidelity before the healing process can begin. • Together, the couple must address the underlying issues that may have contributed to the affair. • Both parties must be equally committed to rebuilding the marriage. • Counseling can help the couple come to terms with the affair. • The healing process takes time and both parties must be patient.
Living History" is a surprisingly rich source of information on surviving an affair. Women will find in Hillary Clinton a role model for wives facing similar marital problems. Her candid account of the Clinton-Lewinsky affair answers many of the questions in the public mind, such as : Why didn't Mrs. Clinton leave her husband? What made her decide to stay with him and keep their marriage intact? How did she cope with the emotional trauma? What helped her overcome the pain of betrayal?
"Living History" provides an intensely intimate look at one woman's reaction to her husband's affair. By examining the factors that contributed to the survival of the Clinton marriage, perhaps other marriages can be saved. "Living History" is worthwhile reading for any woman whose husband is engaged in an extramarital affair.
© 2004 Ruth Houston All rights reserved.
About the Author
Ruth Houston is the author of "Is He Cheating on You?-829 Telltale Signs." For more information about her book, cheating husbands or signs of infidelity visit http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com To receive a FREE Infidelity Report which includes a list of 29 Telltale Signs, send an e-mail to CheatingSigns@aol.com with "Infidelity Report" in the subject line.
Surviving Infidelity
Surviving An Affair
Hi and welcome to, Surviving an affair.
This blog will be a resource point for the cheated and the cheaters.
It's purpose is to help couples surving an affair.
Cheating spouses is a terrible thing to get over, but with help and guidence you can save your relationship and learn to trust again.
Surviving An Affair
Michael
This blog will be a resource point for the cheated and the cheaters.
It's purpose is to help couples surving an affair.
Cheating spouses is a terrible thing to get over, but with help and guidence you can save your relationship and learn to trust again.
Surviving An Affair
Michael
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